Don’t Minimalize Your Bangs

I’ve discovered that less isn’t more in regards to my hair. Recently, I  committed one of the beauticians’ seven deadly sins, something about “thou shalt not cut thine own bangs.” It was New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t get an appointment to the salon in time. There were scissors handy. The rest is history (and in the wastebasket).

Next thing I know, I have full view of my eyebrows and realize that they are starting to go grey. Nobody told me this would happen. Sure, I expected the hair on my head (and other body fur for that matter) to show my age. But I never counted on the bushy valances over my eyes to turn on me. Makes me wonder what additional treats the elderly have been keeping from me.

Since I’m extremely nearsighted, until now I have been blissfully unaware of the natural disaster occurring in the wizard brows I inherited from my father. But there they are — those wild hairs sticking straight out and waving for everyone to see. How can that be good? How can people look me in the eyes when there’s a party going on in the next balcony up?

My bangs were supposed to hide all of that, but the modest fringe covering my brow debauchery has retreated to the penthouse. And while I’m at it, what’s with my forehead? Am I really supposed to have acne when I’m in my 50’s? As a middle-aged bonus, those blemishes are co-mingling with my engaging worry lines and premature wrinkles, for cripes sake, hiding out in the valleys like train robbers while my brow hairs reach towards them in a massive uprising.

Alas, my bangs have left me defenseless. I try to see the butcher job of my trim as alternative or edgy. I imagine myself channeling my inner Cyndi Lauper or Bjork, but only come up with childhood images of Moe from the Three Stooges. I have to admit that I’ve gone too far this time, and will be committed to walking around in public for the near future with a perpetually surprised look on my face.

I’m hoping for a reunion of sorts. Eyebrows, meet your first cousin, Bangs.

8 thoughts on “Don’t Minimalize Your Bangs

  1. Oh dear, my heart goes out to you. I cut my own hair and sometimes I screw up really badly and have to suffer the consequences. It wasn’t too hard years ago when my hair grew quickly, but now it grows maybe 1/8″ a month, when it doesn’t just fall out, so…..

    You’ve got the bushy grey things? My eyebrows are disappearing!!! I’m really nearsighted too and when I take off my glasses and peer closely in the mirror, it looks like something is missing. I look alien. Then again, maybe that’s cool.

    Maybe you should revive the gypsy scarf thing from our youth? Cool with the big hoop earrings.

    1. suburbansatsangs

      Luckily, I don’t have to go out in public much these days. My husband thinks it’s hilarious. He keeps entering the room and saying “Why, you look surprised!” Oh, well. It will grow back, slowly. I’ll try out the scarf idea; fortunately I included two in my Project 333. I appreciate the sympathy and commiseration, Meg. Thank you.

  2. Tamara this one cracked me up!

    I stopped getting my hair cut (by others) a few years back when our budget was really tight. Along the way I’ve learned that I love butchering my own hair. I started with bangs and then started cutting the whole thing after I got “brave”.

    Sometimes I do it crooked and I keep having to chop until I end up with bangs like in your after shot drawing!

    I started doing this after I went to a cheap little hair cuttery just for a “bang trim” and they came out terribly crooked. I didn’t want to go back and pay again to get them cut right. I bought some hair scissors and then I realized I could do better than my hair dresser!

    But I ain’t no fashion maven so I look a little funky sometimes.


    1. suburbansatsangs

      Thanks so much for stopping by, Tanja. I’m really enjoying your blog posts over at Minimalist Packrat. Glad to know that I’m not the only one who has trouble with the bangs. I chopped mine short, and then the stylist had to cut them shorter just to even it all out. It’s growing on me (slowly), and funky is good, I think.

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